Uniquely Male
Ethics in Massage Therapy - The Response
By Charles W. Wiltsie III, LMT, NCTMB
The federal government says that the workplace needs to be "gender neutral." As this comes up in the classes I teach on issues of sexual harassment, I have never had one person think it was possible. What I think is possible is respect. There is a story attributed to Mother Teresa. In it she says we must look at all people the same way; that we must remind ourselves that the people we meet are the objects of God's love. If we can internalize this image, there is no fear. If we see all of our clients as the object of the Creator's love, the risk is significantly reduced. Most male massage therapists are emotionally healthy, nurturing men. But, the historical behavior of men toward women comes into the massage room, and when a client sees her male therapist for the first time, she brings history with her too.
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My recent article ("Uniquely Male - Ethics in Massage Therapy," Massage & Bodywork, April/May 1999) on the subject of male ethics in massage therapy drew incredible response from men around the country. Within 48 hours of the magazine arriving at the homes of massage therapists and bodyworkers across the country, I received 25 telephone calls and e-mails from men and another five from women. The response from men was overwhelmingly positive, while the response from women was fairly negative. It was the positive response from men, however, that was alarming. It was alarming because many of the men missed the point. The responses from women were not alarming, but were predictable. One woman from New York said she agreed with most of the points I made regarding men and their innate nature. She agreed with my assertion that men were aggressive, predatory and visual by nature. She agreed with the assertion that there are more grievances against male massage therapists brought up before their association boards or state boards. It was there that her agreement ended. Her contention was that because these aspects exist in men, and because many clients (likely a majority) are women, men are not capable of transcending their impulse to act on those natures. In her words, "men have infected the field of massage therapy by molesting women intentionally or unintentionally." She further asserted that men should not be allowed to do any cross-gender massage. What she did not mention was what potentials might exist should the therapist and the client both be gay. Does that mean that gay men should only work on women and that straight men should only work on other straight men? Her remarks, however militant, did reflect some feelings many women had, although other women expressed it with much less aggression. While I found the remarks from some female therapists interesting, they are not my audience. It is men I'm concerned with - their relationship to their clients, themselves, and their own personal natures and boundaries. With that, I'll move on to the responses from men.

First, every one of my contacts with male therapists began with lines such
as these:

"....let me express my thanks to you for writing this article...Males in
this industry are at a major disadvantage economically and legally."

"I want to congratulate you on your article 'Uniquely Male.' Such a
discussion is long overdue."

"Thank you for such an eloquent article that truly speaks to men's issues
in a female-dominated profession."

While I appreciated these pleasant remarks, it was what followed that sent
up the red flags. I had no idea how angry many men were - and how
frustrated. Here are some examples:

"The AMTA (American Massage Therapy Association) says 20% of massage
therapists are male and that the majority of ethics cases are against men.
I don't believe it."

"I do not buy it...Think about it...is it likely that 20% of the massage
population are responsible for the bulk of grievances filed? Possibly, but
not probable."

This last person goes on to echo the feeling of many male massage therapists when he comments on his own history. He says, "I decided to follow my heart and do something good for people. I worked hard, became successful and invested wisely. Having done my research prior to entering massage school, I figured I could make it as a male in this business...It hasn't worked out as planned." This therapist explains that he has struggled with the emotional aspect of massage therapy and the "tremendous dependency" on the part of clients (mostly female). He says while he is ethically sound, his clients are not. Some of his female clients have asked if he is married or gay. Others ask if he would like to go to a movie or dinner? He reports that he also hears, "You don't have to drape me," and has had his leg touched by a female client during the session. Finally, this therapist sadly concludes that he has no regrets about leaving the industry. "Back in the business world, I will not be discriminated against based on my sex...Most of all, I will not have the constant threat of litigation hanging over my head." I picked this correspondence to illustrate the many points other therapists who called and wrote commented on. So why do these comments send up red flags? Let's look at it:

* Comment: Because male therapists are only about 20% of the total number of therapists, it is impossible that most grievances are against males. I work in the field of massage therapy teaching men about ethics. I also teach in the radio broadcast media about sexual harassment. This class is for men only. The fact is that most sexual harassment cases in corporations are against men and, proportionately, most grievances against massage therapists are against men. Does this mean most male massage therapists are doing inappropriate things? Of course not, but it doesn't change the problem, and this problem is best solved with honest discussion among men. Learning how women perceive men and how society has contributed to the problem and the politics of manhood today requires open, honest discussion.

* Comment: "...while I am ethically sound, my clients are not..." Can this be? Is it possible that one's clients can be ethically unsound, while the therapist is completely ethical? This is a large question. Again, this requires honest discussion. What's unfortunate is the feeling of frustration behind the words. It is raw fear - fear of a client litigating for no reason. Men have a great fear of being accused. They know an accusation can finish them in this business. In an article written by one of my favorite authors, Diane Polseno, in the Spring 1999 issue of Massage Therapy Journal, Karen Buck asked one of her female clients, "What is your previous massage experience?" The client "blanched and then blushed as she described her first massage. A male therapist performed full breast massage without her permission." Later on in the article, the therapist reflects and asks herself the question, "Do we have an obligation to follow up on such complaints?" There is much more to this article by Polseno, and it poses many questions which deserve discussion. But the scenario described in her article is the male massage therapist's worst nightmare. Many men commented on that article. They felt that the person on whom the injury was inflicted should file a complaint, and not be egged on by another massage therapist. While I agree in part with that sentiment, I must say that kind of fear and frustration by some male therapists is alarming, because the fear helps to sexualize the massage; because the fear is based on gender. The answer is talk, talk, talk - lots of it - until there is no fear. Because the truth is, most clients (male or female) come into a massage therapist's office with a smile and an assumption that the experience will be wonderful and successful. Most people we work on are people with no hidden agendas at all.

* Comment: Women asking men if they are married, gay, can they have a date, etc., and that a female client touched him. Female massage therapists have been dealing with this for years. In fact, the wrong man asking those questions of a female therapist can pose life-threatening situations. For men, these questions can be harmless or, in the worst case, land a man in court or jail. The consequences are different and the same. Men can learn a lot from their female counterparts. But, again, male and female clients respond differently and so do therapists. Gender issues are worth discussing. As to the physical contact by the female client, trust me boys, our female counterparts have had to deal with that one for years. Ask a female massage therapist how she deals with it. Learn from her. Still, it needs to be acknowledged that men have to handle these problems differently. The woman who asserted that men can not overcome their nature is correct. One can not be who one is not. Straight or gay, a man can only manifest as a man and a woman as a woman. What men can do is learn how to channel their uniquely male nature into a powerful, nurturing tool. As to the behavior that goes on in the room, pretend for a moment that each of your sessions is being videotaped and that each and every one of your sessions is being recorded with sound. Imagine that these sessions will be broadcast to your daughters, mothers, grandmothers, "20/20" and "60 Minutes." Then ask yourself, "Is there anything in those films that I need to be worried about?" Will the videotape clear your name in the courtroom? If you are confident that everything you do can be broadcast, then much of the problem is solved. But your good behavior is not enough. Men need to be sensitive to what the client brings to the table. Sensitivity, intuition and knowledge are the key. Each person has a history. The therapist may remind the client of someone, good or bad, that he or she remembers from the past. You may remind your client of a first love. You may remind your client of the monster that abused her as a child or of a teenage boy that ruined a first date. There are lots of things brought to the table by the client. Understanding them and honoring them is the key.

In conclusion, I'd like to relay a story told to me by the owner of a Western massage school. The story was relayed to her during an ethics class. She told me of a male massage therapist who was about to give a massage to a woman when he noticed she had not removed her bra for the massage. She was lying on her stomach. He unsnapped the bra and proceeded with the massage. The owner of the school asked him why he did that. He said he did it because it was easier to work on her back that way. The school owner asked what I thought about this. I told her I thought what that therapist did was wrong and dangerous, because he was not listening to the client. And what did the client say? She said nothing with her mouth. She said it with her bra. It was her boundary. It was her language. I told the school owner that if I walked into my treatment room and saw my client wearing a snowsuit, I'd work around it, because my client is the boss of the universe that is my room.


Charles Wiltsie III is nationally certified in therapeutic massage and bodywork (NCTMB) and is an Approved Category "A" provider of Continuing Education. Wiltsie is owner of Swedish Bodyworks in Haddam, Conn., as well as a published author in the area of holistic health and a corporate educator in the area of sexual harassment. His continuing education courses include "Practice Building I and II," "Ethics: A Male Focus on Ethics in Massage Therapy," "Learning the WMT (Wiltsie Massage Technique) for Performing Artists," and "Dimension Loss With Deep Tissue Massage," another technique developed by Wiltsie as a result of research he did in this area. For more information, Wiltsie can be reached at 888/345-7919, or e-mailed at MasseurC@aol.com.


 Posted with permission from Massage & Bodywork Magazine